Whatever makes you lonely

My brother got into a college, well tech school but w/e. its this automotive tech school in ohio which is supposed to be really good. its a 1 or 2 year program or somewhere in between those two numbers, im not really sure. well the point is that idk how things are going to be when hes gone. sure hes annoying as hell, i mean he just literally spent an hour annoying me until i told him something he wanted to know(something i didnt want to tell him) but hes my brother. hes been around for my entire life, the entire 16 (almost 17) years of my existence i havent gone longer than one week without seeing him. it feels weird when hes gone for extended periods of time, even if its only 3 days. i dont even feel that way when i dont see my parents for weeks. its weird. im sure hell visit but how often will that be, once a month? its just going to be weird. and before he gets back ill probably be gone somewhere to college. things are just going to be different.
People are always talking about the future in such fondness. theyre always so happy that theyre going to get out of this town, out of this school. i think im the only one that doesnt feel that way. i feel like high school is so easy and that life is only going to get harder. i never thought of college as such a high point in life.
I dont even know where the hell im even going to college, i havent looked at anything. nor do i have the slightest clue as to what im going to study. some people see that im kinda into art and they ask where are you going, art school? but i dont have anywhere near the amount of talent i would need to use that skill in a career. im ok, but if you compare my work to anyone else's who is considered "good" mine will always look like shit. i dont know what im doing with my life. im always going to be too lazy to do anything. i couldnt even bring myself to practice driving and now my test is within 3 weeks and im a terrible driver. im going to have to be one of those kids that gets back to school the next day and everyone asks did you pass? and im going to have to say no and explain why 30 times. ah....whatever i guess life could be worse, at least i didnt get arrested.(no offense)

Black people claim white people cant dance.

I have come up with a theory on why this is true. Its the music, "black" music tends to have a steady drum and bass scheme that is usually easy to follow. "White" music is just crazy different shit all over the place. Without a continuous beat theres nothing to follow and by getting used to not following the beat white people dont learn to dance to music in a way black people would see as acceptable.

That is my justification for this stereotype. Thank you.

Im realistic, i realize the truth but im too optomistic to accept it.

Ive reached a standstill.

(my entries lately say just about the same thing dont they? i guess its gona keep going till i run out of ways to explain it)

bah...

Sometimes you need to look at yourself from a view outside of your own world, a view outside of your emotions to see what is really around you. to see what you really have.

its kinda sad when you figure out it isnt really much.

i guess you could go back to your world or move on. you could keep pretending or recognize how much youve lied to yourself and come clean. or maybe you could just keep asking yourself these questions and never answer them.

im getting tired of procrastinating, i think ill come clean.



i probably just lied to myself again. its kinda hard to tell.

whatever.